


And it will all fade away

by SonataNocturne



Category: Palaye Royale (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Random & Short, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 18:03:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18783346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonataNocturne/pseuds/SonataNocturne
Summary: Scream until nothing comes out anymore. Scream until your lungs collapse and all you can hear is the deafening silence. That was what fear sounds like.





	And it will all fade away

 

 

  

\-------------

 

 

 

Scream until nothing comes out anymore. Scream until your lungs collapse and all you can hear is the deafening silence. That was what fear sounds like.

 

Breathe the air in. Breathe and absorb oxygen. Pretend it matters, that it would make you alive again.

 

Let the flames fade away, the same ones that once made you burn so bright. Let them disappear and leave only ashes behind.

 

Suffocate to the words that once made you believe. The same words that tore you apart when you least expected.

 

Drown to the emotions that once made your heart sing, because they are the same ones that are now making you numb.

 

“Remington?” Emerson’s voice echoed on the other side of the door.

 

He didn’t answer. The blood was rushing in his ears, making him dizzy.

 

“Rem?” the voice turned suddenly worried and the bang on the door made him flinch.

 

A silent sob left his lips as his eyes were drawn to the doorknob that turned. He had locked the door. He had been sure. Even checked it twice.

 

“I am serious. I know you are there. Answer me”, Emerson continued banging the door.

 

Remington turned his head back to the wall in front of him knowing the lock wouldn’t budge. The sun was reflecting colourful patterns on the white tiles and he smiled. They looked so pretty. Iridescent shapes that moved as the wind brushed the leaves of the tree standing behind the window.

 

But he was getting nauseous. The shapes blurred and he wondered why his cheeks were wet. It must have been tears but he didn’t feel like crying.

 

“Remington!”

 

The yell was so loud that he gasped and shifted away from the door. But he was so dizzy. Or maybe he moved too fast. Because in the next second he was on the floor on his back. So it seemed like, as the iridescent patterns were now on the ceiling. He blinked and listened to the banging on the door. Emerson was clearly upset. But he was just on the other side of the door.

 

"Remington. Open the door, okay? Please. You know it's too heavy for anyone to break it in and the lock... please."

 

Remington coughed and wiped his face. Still wet from the tears and he still didn't feel like crying. Then his eyes caught the crimson liquid on his hands. It was so pretty. Dark and sticky. All over his hands and arms. And on the floor. Definitely on the floor too. It was a pool and only spreading. And now he could barely breathe. The choking feeling was around his neck and the pressure on his chest heavier and he didn't understand it.

 

Emerson jumped against the door with his whole weight but Remington didn't even flinch anymore. He heard the panic in Emerson's voice when he talked to someone but all he could focus on was the crimson wetness flowing out of him and the pressure on his chest.

 

"Rem, I called help and they will be here soon. Just hang on okay. It won't take long, I promise."

 

His brother sounded so wrong. The voice strained and stretched, but also fragile. And he couldn't contain the sob. Maybe he was crying after all. So it sounded like.

 

Emerson stared at the blood that kept spreading. It was coming from under the door and it was too much. The amount was too much for Remington. For anyone. And he couldn’t stop trying to get the door open. His fists collided with the wood again but the only thing he gained was the pain that shot up his arms. It was no use. He screamed again as it would help. His voice was already breaking, making him sound weird. The only thing that repeated in his mind was  _he can’t die_.

 

And he didn’t want to give up. But when he slipped to the blood and fell on the floor he kicked it one last time and then leaned against it. There was nothing he could do. The help would arrive, but it could be too late. He wasn’t giving in. Not accepting that. But he was still powerless.

 

Shifting a little he pressed his forehead against the door and looked inside the crack that gave him just enough visibility to see the reality. Remington was laying on the bathroom floor surrounded by his own blood. He couldn’t see where it came from, nor he cared, but the flow wasn’t stopping.

 

"Oh my god..." Emerson's gasp was now pure fear, "Remington! Get the fuck up!"

 

But Remington couldn't hear the words. He only heard the tone. It should have mattered but somehow the heaviness was all over him and everything seemed so distant. He was getting numb. Small tingling on his face and neck and the blood rushing in his ear. He imagined that the blood rushed out of him in same way as it did sound in his ears. Maybe it did.

 

"You are not fucking dying! You hear me! Don't dare to give up!"

 

And there was the word he registered finally. Or maybe it was the anger in the voice that made him realize that there was a meaning behind the words too. But dying? He wasn't dying. He was just painless and floating.

 

But Emerson didn't stop screaming and he started to hit and kick the door again, and Remington turned his head from the pretty patterns towards the door. He could see the door bounce against its frames and the knob rattle and then another desperate scream echoed.

 

The taste on his lips, same time bitter and sweet was making him intoxicated. 

 

He was definitely fading. Disappearing. And now also definitely crying. The tears burned in his eyes as he choked for air. A barely audible whimper left his trembling lips as he tried to move his arm, just to wipe his face. But it weighed too much. He couldn’t move anymore. Looking at his arm he could see that only his fingers moved. And the red that had first covered only part of his arms had now spread. It was sticky on his shirt and the pool on the floor had grown bigger. The nauseous washed over him and he had to close his eyes. The whole room felt like shaking together with the bangs on the door.

 

“Say something. Anything. Please”, Emerson stopped for a while, just to get the words out. And when he didn’t answer it started again. The banging, the screaming. The horrible wailing that chilled him to the bone. But he was still smiling. The darkness behind his eyelids was so welcoming. So divine, and warm. He knew he belonged. He finally had found a place he would belong to.

 

Now he felt thin, like paper. What a wonderful feeling it was. So thin, and he still couldn't move. The weight on him was even heavier and now he was sinking further. Further to the darkness that embraced him. The tingling spread to his limbs, tickling on his every nerve. But it was so hard to find a way to breathe. His lungs felt like they were on fire. Gasping he blinked, listening to his brother that was still talking on the other side of the room. The words seemed to be floating around him, like swirling in the air.

 

"Remington. Please. I'm sorry you are hurting but you can't give up", Emerson's voice broke down and he managed to elicit only a whisper.

 

The other glanced towards the door, even though he knew he couldn't see Emerson. Somehow he managed to open his mouth and utter the few words, "I'm fine. Perfectly fine."

 

"Remington! Don't say that!" Emerson exclaimed. When the other didn't answer anymore he kept screaming and banging the door. He was so tired, but he just couldn't stop.

 

But so was Remington. He was exhausted. But the warmth was pulling him deeper in and he smiled through the tears. Maybe it was finally the bliss. A shiver ran through him as he gasped for air again. And again.

 

Emerson closed his eyes. He couldn't look at the other anymore. He could deny it all, but it wouldn't change the reality. That the life was slowly leaving Remington's body and he was forced to witness it.

 

"It's so pretty", Remington whispered and Emerson could only guess what the other meant.

 

"Please stay. Please", Emerson said knowing they were just empty words. No strength in them.

 

He could hear Remington's breathing getting more laboured. Chewing his lip he wondered was the other fighting or giving up. Or had he ever even fought.

 

Heavy sobs filled the air and Emerson had to squeeze his eyes tighter shut. Maybe if he focused enough he would wake up from the nightmare.

 

But then it was silent. So silent that Emerson thought he had gone deaf. And he didn't dare to look. Because he knew that behind that door was laying his brother's lifeless body. And he was still there.

 

"You didn't even say goodbye", he whispered.

 

 

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**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Kudos and reviews are also highly appreciated.


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